Invited to a Japanese wedding and not sure where to begin? Filling out a Wedding RSVP Card and deciding how much to give as gift money can be a bit perplexing. But fear not, as we’ve got you covered with the essential steps and etiquette to navigate these traditions. If you would like information on the dress code, please refer to page below.
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How to Fill Out a Wedding RSVP Card for Japanese wedding
When it comes to your response, it’s advisable to write with a brush pen or fountain pen if you have access to one. If you opt for a brush pen, here is the type you should chose. There is a very similar brush pen with grey color ink intended for funerals, so please ensure that the ink is black.
- Blush pen with black ink
#1 Front: Address side of a wedding RSVP Card
If you receive a card in Japanese, you might notice the character “行” next to the sender’s name, which signifies “To.” To show respect to the sender, please use a black pen to cross out “行” with two parallel lines and replace it with “様” (sama). It’s better to do this by hand rather than using a ruler for a more personal touch.
#2 Back: When you are attending the wedding
Please follow the steps below.
Firstly, cross out “ご欠席” (Not Attending) with a double line.
For “ご出席” (Attending), also cross out the “ご” (which is a polite prefix) with a double line and put a circle (○) next to “出席” to indicate your acceptance.
To make it even more polite, consider adding “慶んで” before “出席” and “させていただきます” after it. This expresses your happiness and gratitude for attending.
You can use the blank space to write a congratulatory message if you’d like.
Don’t forget to cross out the “ご” or “ご芳” (polite prefix) in “ご住所” (address) and “ご芳名” (name) with a double line.
#3 Back: When you are not attending the wedding
Please follow the steps below.
Firstly, cross out “ご出席” (Attending) with a double line.
For “ご欠席” (Not Attending), also cross out the “ご” (which is a polite prefix) with a double line and put a circle (○) next to “欠席” to indicate your acceptance.
To make it even more polite, consider adding “残念ながら” before “欠席” and “させていただきます” after it. This expresses your sadness of not able to attend in polite manner.
In the blank space, it’s a thoughtful gesture to write a message along with your “congratulatory words,” such as an explanation for your absence or an apology.
Don’t forget to cross out the “ご” or “ご芳” (polite prefix) in “ご住所” (address) and “ご芳名” (name) with a double line.
How Much to Give as a Money Gift (Goshugi)
#1 Choosing the Appropriate Wedding Money
When it comes to giving wedding money (known as ‘ご祝儀’ – goshugi) in Japan, there are certain etiquette guidelines to keep in mind. It’s said that one of the key etiquettes is to avoid unlucky numbers.
In Japan, “4” and “9” are considered unlucky numbers, so both 40,000 yen and 90,000 yen are best avoided. Why? Well, they carry connotations of ‘death’ and ‘suffering,’ making them quite unlucky numbers.
In addition, even numbers such as 2 are generally considered inauspicious because they symbolize ‘division’ or ‘separation,’ which is not the kind of sentiment you’d want to associate with wedding money.
The average amount largely depends on your relationship with the bride and groom, as indicated below.
| RELATIONSHIPS WITH BRIDE AND GROOM | AVERAGE |
|---|---|
|
Friends |
30,000 yen |
|
Colleague |
30,000 yen |
|
Relatives |
30,000 - 100,000 yen |
#2 Obtaining new banknotes
It is customary for wedding money (known as ‘ご祝儀’ – goshugi) to be in crisp, new banknotes. However, in this era of cashless transactions, obtaining new banknotes can be challenging. On weekdays, the most popular method is to exchange your money at a bank counter.
Simply fill out a currency exchange form at the bank and request them to provide you with new banknotes. Alternatively, you can withdraw money from a convenience store’s ATM, which often dispenses relatively unwrinkled, new banknotes.
How to give Money Gift for Japanese Wedding?
It’s common to place crisp new banknotes inside a ‘goshugi-bukuro’ (gift money envelope) and hand it over at the reception of a wedding ceremony. When purchasing a ‘goshugi-bukuro,’ look for ones with inscriptions like ‘寿’ (longevity) or ‘結婚御祝’ (congratulations on your wedding). You can usually find them at convenience stores, drugstores, or 100-yen shops. Nowadays, there are also cute options available, such as those with ‘happy wedding’ written in English or in bright, colorful shades like pink, gold, or sky blue.
When you buy a ‘goshugi-bukuro,’ it typically comes with both an ‘outer envelope’ and an ‘inner envelope.
#1 Writing on outer envelope
First, write your name on the outer envelope. It’s important to note that when writing on the ‘goshugi-bukuro,’ using a ballpoint pen or a fountain pen is generally discouraged. Instead, use a brush pen or a bold black pen. Additionally, make sure the ink from the brush pen is a ‘deep black.’ (If you don’t have one, you can get it at convenience store or amazon) Lighter ink colors are typically reserved for occasions like funerals, so it’s best to avoid them when giving a wedding gift.
#2 Writing on inner envelope
We’re almost done with the preparations! On the front side of the inner envelope, at the center, write the amount you’re placing inside, such as ‘金 ○萬円’ (money ○ ten thousand yen). While it’s more formal to use ‘旧字体’ (Chinese characters), it’s generally acceptable to use regular ‘新字体’ as shown below. On the back side, write your name and address.
| NUMBER | 新字体 | 旧字体 |
|---|---|---|
|
3 |
三 |
参 |
|
5 |
五 |
伍 |
|
10 |
十 |
拾 |
There’s no need to stick the inner envelope closed. One reason for not sealing it is to show consideration for the bride and groom. On the wedding day or during the reception when they open a large number of gift money envelopes to check the contents, having the inner envelope unsealed is less time-consuming for them.
As you prepare to attend a Japanese wedding, the process of filling out a wedding RSVP card and finding the perfect gift money envelope, all while ensuring you have crisp new banknotes, might seem like a lot to manage. And let’s not forget the outfit preparations! It can indeed feel overwhelming at first. But remember, like anything else, with practice, you’ll become accustomed to these customs. So, embrace the journey of celebrating love and culture, for each step you take brings you closer to creating beautiful memories and building cherished connections.
